No Choice
by Post U Later
Summary: Some Times, It's Not About What You Want, Not What Your Family Wants, Not What Makes You Happy & Your Opinion Doesn't Matter. Because Sometimes, The Options Aren't There & There's No Choice To Choose. T For Paranoia? Darkish Themes Really More Like Dim Lighting Rather Than Dark .


**I Was Reading **_**Collegekid2006**_**'s **_Carry On_** While Listening To **_**Welcome to the Black Parade**_** By **_**My Chemical Romance**_** & I Thought Of This. It Takes Place After **_**Shawn Take's A Shot In The Dark**_**, It's A Hospital Scene. **

**Also, Henry Might Be A Bit OOC towards the end and Shawn'll most likely be EXTREMELY OOC. Just A Warning. **

**Hope You Enjoy! XD**

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**Word Count~ 2,503**

**Warning~ Emotional/Depressed Shawn & Emotional/Confused Henry. **

**Disclaimer~ Sorry, Not Mine. No Matter how much I Wish It Was. It's Sadly Not.**

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When Shawn woke up, the first thing he noticed was the beeping; steady, rhythmic, annoying beeping. The second thing he noticed was the smell; so clean it felt like it could sterilize you, and he knew instantly where he was. _Ugh, hospital._ He thought grimily.

He groaned as he squinted his eyes, knowing the light would be strong and sharp. He quickly looked around the room; it was a pale white, a door straight in front of his bed and another to the far side, _Bathroom_,he thought. There was sink next to the door and a chair next to the sink. He glanced at machines next to his bed, at the same time rising his bed into a sitting position.

He looked to the other side of the room and stopped when he found his father sleeping in one of the those uncomfortable plastic chairs every hospital seemed to have. He winced at the angle his head was leaning, knowing his father would be in pain the instant he moved.

And as if to prove his thoughts correct, Henry shifted, a soft moan of pain escaping his lips. He shifted again, but this time, his eyes fluttering open. He sat up and looked at Shawn, their eyes meeting instantly.

"Umm..." Shawn started, but his throat was raw and scratchy. He cleared his throat. "Hey dad."

Henry nodded as he stood, going over to the sink in the far corner and bringing back a cup of water for Shawn.

Taking the cup Shawn nodded his thanks and drank, emptying the cup. Handing it back to his father, Shawn took stalk in himself.

_Throbbing shoulder and head, but not to much pain. They must have me on some strong pain killers. _

"How long?" Shawn asked, leaning back in his bed and closing his eyes.

"Not to long." Henry answered, taking a seat in the chair he had recently vacated. "You passed out in the ambulance on the way to the hospital yesterday."

Shawn opened one eye and looked at his father. "How bad?"

"Not to bad. The bullet was through and through and you'll be in a sling for a few months. There was a small infection so you're on antibiotics and you have a pretty bad concussion." Henry said sighing as he ran a hand over his balding head. "All in all you were pretty lucky with how much blood you lost kid."

Shawn looked up at the ceiling with a small frown. He felt anything but lucky, however; he also felt the need to hide his feelings with his father in the room.

"Yeah well, you know me, Lady Luck's got a thing for me." Shawn said with a smirk that didn't reach his eyes.

Shawn's jive at his situation was probably not the best thing to say with his father in the room. Henry shot out of his seat, causing it to fly backwards, rage breaking through his well built mask. It was now obvious to Shawn that he had been holding back his anger.

"SERIOUSLY SHAWN!?" He shouted, clenching his fists at his side. "You nearly died and you're joking! What is wrong with you!"

"I'm find dad." Shawn tried to placate his father, but to no avail.

"You are not fine! You were SHOT! You were KIDNAPPED! YOU WERE FORCED TO JUMP FROM A SPEEDING TRUCK ONTO THE HOOD OF ANOTHER SPEEDING CAR!" He yelled in anger. "Are you just asking for trouble?! Because it seems to follow you where ever you go!"

"No dad! I don't ask for trouble!" Shawn said, getting a little angry himself. "It's not like I'm trying to get shot and kidnapped!"

"Well it sure seems like that!" Henry said as he turned away from Shawn. "This would never have happened if you were a cop."

"So that's what this is all about." Shawn stated darkly. "Figures."

"Yes, yes it is Shawn!" Henry said with his back still turned. "If you were on the force you wouldn't be in this situation. And don't say it would have been the same!" Henry said when Shawn opened his mouth to speak. "You would have had back up at that car yard and a gun to defend yourself!"

"I wasn't going to say that." Shawn said quietly.

"Then what were you going to say?" Henry sneered. "That it wouldn't have mattered, you still would have been shot at?"

"No..."

"Then what Shawn?"

"I was going to say that it doesn't matter." Shawn said emotionally.

"Doesn't matter?" Henry said in a confused shock. "Doesn't Matter! How could it not matter! If you were a cop you-"

"I SAID IT DOESN'T MATTER!" Shawn yelled. "Just shut up!"

Henry stared at his son in shock. Never in all their years had Shawn ever told his dad to shut up. That was just blatant disrespect, and Shawn was anything but disrespectful to him.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Shawn said after a few seconds of silence.

"Me?"

"Do you just hate me _that_ much?" Shawn asked with a seriousness Henry didn't know he possessed.

"What? Shawn-"

"As you said, I was shot, kidnapped and jumped from a speeding vehicle!" Shawn said in a deadly tone. "And you're chastising me for not being a cop. Something I never wanted to be, something I've tried my entire life to deny with my entire being!"

Shawn paused to take a breath, giving his father a chance to speak.

"Shawn it still matters!" He said. "If you were a cop-"

"Are you even listening to me!? I'm not a cop!" Shawn yelled. "I can't be a cop, no matter how much my genetic say I'm meant to! No matter how much my heart wants me to go out there and fight the good fight, I can't! I don't have a badge dad! Me being a psychic detective is the closest I will EVER get to being a cop! So get over it!"

Henry stood there, staring at his son in astonishment. Had he heard Shawn right? Had Shawn just told him that his heart wanted him to be a cop? Henry was stunned into silence as he watched his son take ragged breaths, trying to calm himself down.

"Shawn..." Henry started, but paused not knowing what to say to that. "I-you? I don't understand."

Shawn gripped the thin sheet that covered his lower half with trembling hands and looked away. _Damn pain meds, fucking with me and that damn filter between my mouth and head. _Shawn mentally cursed, looking for some type of excuse to blame his abrupt confession on.

"You don't have to understand," Shawn spoke up after a minute of thick silence. "All you need to do is forget about it. Forget what I just said and forget about me _ever_ being or becoming a cop. It's never going to happen."

"But you just said it's what your heart wants." Henry disputed. "Why fight something you want?"

If Henry was baffled and shocked by Shawn's earlier words and reactions, then he was entirely concerned and dumbfounded by Shawn's reaction this time.

As soon as Henry had started talking, he had turned to look at him with then froze up, and as soon as he finished his sentence, tears had popped into his eyes and profusely ran down his face. He looked like someone who had just found his meaning in life, then had that meaning promptly ripped from his fingers.

Wide-eyed, Henry quickly, but cautiously, went to Shawn side, keeping eye contact.

"Shawn? Wh-what's wrong?" Henry stuttered. Shawn wasn't big on emotion, even if it seemed like he showed a lot, it was mostly pretend. However, the tears right now? The emotions in his eyes as he looked at his father? Henry could tell they were real. "I-I don't understand. Shawn what's wrong?"

Shawn broke eye contact and looked down at his shaking hands.

"Dad... You'll never understand." Shawn whispered. "Never."

The sound of Shawn's voice, broken and in pain, made Henry want to rip the head off of anyone who had ever hurt Shawn and shoot their eyes out. But Shawn was in emotional pain at the moment so hurting someone else wouldn't help. Henry felt powerless, worthless. He'd never felt like this before, even during his divorce; he'd had some resemblance of control and power, but now? Now he could do nothing. Shawn was hurting and he couldn't do a damned thing to help.

"Leave."

"What?" Henry said, confused.

"I said, leave." Shawn repeated, his voice still shaking. "I want you to leave."

"No way in hell am I leaving when you're in this shape." Henry argued.

"Dad, listen to me." Shawn pleaded. "Just this once, please leave."

"I can't do that." Henry answered in a soft voice. "You're my son and I can't leave you here in so much pain."

"Please." Shawn begged. "You'll never understand, so please leave."

"Shawn, I am NOT leaving." Henry stated. "So you can either shut up and cry your eyes out with me here, or you can try to help me understand."

Shawn looked around the room, finally noticing how quiet it was, how dim the lights actually were, and that the curtain were closed. It was then he wondered why Gus, Jules, or even Lassie hadn't come in with all the yelling. He turned to his father, tears still flowing down his face.

"What time is it?"

"7:30am." Henry said with a glance at his watch, then answering the next unasked question as he backed away a bit, trying to calm down. "Visiting hours start at 9am. I got special permission to stay overnight."

Shawn turned look straight ahead of him at the door. He watched the nurses and doctors pass by for a few minutes before sighing.

"Sit." Shawn started. Henry sat obediently and Shawn sighed again. "I know you'll never completely understand. Being a cop is everything to you. It's your life, your passion. When I was a kid you wanted it to be my life, my passion. But I never got a chance to choose. It was forced upon me."

Shawn paused to take a breath. "All though out my life, from the time I was a child, you drilled being a cop into me, giving me those memory tests, reading me police codes and rules before bed. You never gave me a chance to find out what I wanted to be, or even allowed me look at my options and choose for myself."

Shawn raked a hand through his messy hair, the other coming up to wipe away at the tears.

"I never had a chance to become me. I was forced to become you. Wanting to be a cop was forced into me by you, until I couldn't be anything else. I've had over 60 jobs before Psych, the longest lasting a little over 3 months. You know why? Because I can't be anything else but a cop. I can't do anything but help people. Sure that's a good thing, but that's not all I want to do!" The tears had stopped but Shawn's voice was still trembling with emotion as he leaned back in the bed to stare at the ceiling.

"I wasn't able to keep a single one of those jobs because It didn't satisfy this unyielding hunger to serve and protect that you created. You turned me into a freak who can only do one thing. But I don't want a badge, I don't want a gun and to be shot at every other day. I don't want to be the one handcuffing the bad guys and fill out the reports and go patrolling."

"All I wanted was to be able to choose my own life, but you even took that away. I can't carry on the spencer-cop legacy you and grandpa had. I can't help people the way you and he did. Mom said I could choose, but I can't. I'm in a paradox here. My heart and even my mind want me to be a cop, but my free will wants a choice. If I was allowed a choice, I would most likely follow my heart and become a cop, or a real private detective or something like that, Something that would make me happy and make you proud, but I don't have a choice. So I can't choose, I can't be happy. I can't make you proud. All because of you."

Shawn finished in a whisper, his eyes having closed while talking. He was exhausted, and he had just emptied his soul to a person whom he couldn't even hug without flinching. He felt the pain medication kicking back in. As he felt himself start to float off he had to jerk himself back awake.

He was waiting for the scoff, the laugh, or the sigh to break the silence, which would most likely be followed by some harsh comment and a grand exit by his father. So he was surprised when he felt a hand card through his hair. It was quite relaxing and it became harder to stay awake. He opened his eyes to see his father standing over, looking down at him with a sad smile on his face.

"Shawn, I may not understand everything you just said, but I wan't you to know that I am proud of you. So, so proud. And I'm sorry I made you feel so trapped." Henry said, noticing Shawn's battle for consciousness. "For what it's worth, you can choose to be whatever you want and I'd still be proud of you."

Shawn stared up at his father in wonder. He felt a weight lift off him, wondering if it was the metaphorical weight of his forced life path lifting off him. Then he noticed his father putting the bed down and realized the weight had been his father removing his hand from his head. In a way it was a physical representation of that metaphorical weight, if that made any sense.

Shawn came back to reality as the lights shut off with a snap. Henry walked back to the bed and sat down in the chair.

"Rest. You look like you're about to pass out." Henry said as he leaned over and flipped on a small lamp behind him, and grabbing a fishing magazine off the ground.

Shawn watched his father flip though the worn magazine, not doubting it wasn't the first time he's read it.

"Dad, I'm sorry." Shawn said as he looked to the ceiling.

"There's nothing to be sorry for Shawn." Henry answered softly.

As Shawn was about to fall asleep he remembered one last thing he should probably tell his dad.

"Dad?"

"Yeah Shawn?"

"I love you."

Henry paused in his reading and looked up at Shawn, gaining eye contact in dull light. He smiled at the way his sons eye lids drooped.

"I love you too Shawn."

And a smiled graced Shawn's lips, just as he fell asleep.

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**E/N~ So What'd You Think? I Always Got The Feeling That Shawn Didn't Get A Choice In Whether Or Not He Could Be A Cop, Then When He Got Arrested It Was Like He Couldn't Be Anything. So, That's Kinda Where I Was Coming From When I Wrote This. Hoped You Liked! Please Review & Tell Me What You Think! X3 **


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